The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Yodeling
by Mein Liebling
Summary: "If I 'ave to 'ear another 'yodel-ley-'e-who ' I'm going to sack you, strip you o' all your money an' titles, sic three rabid and hungry tigers zon you, and zen t'row your mangled remains off a cliff to be eaten by sharks, and zen I'll blow up the v'ole ocean. Just to 'ake sure you von't come back to life and vhisper zhat obnoxious vord zin my ear. Do not 'ush me."


"Oh the hills are alive with the sound of-"

"_No zne b'oody cares! Shut ze 'ell up!"_

The woman sighed. "Honestly, your Highness, you are no fun at all."

"If I 'ave to 'ear another 'yodel-ley-'e-who~!' I'm going to sack you, strip you o' all your money an' titles, sic three rabid and hungry tigers zon you, and zen t'row your mangled remains off a cliff to be eaten by sharks, and zen I'll blow up the v'ole ocean. Just to 'ake sure you von't come back to life and vhisper zhat obnoxious vord zin my ear. Do not 'ush me."

"…Very tempting, my Lady. Very tempting."

* * *

"So… Her Majesty doesn't appreciate your yodeling?"

The brown haired woman sighed. "Not at all. She actually threatened to kill me."

"I'm assuming not using those exact terms."

"No, there were a lot more sharks and pain and humiliation involved, but that was the gist of it."

"Sounds bloody brilliant."

"Always good to know I can count on you Ron to be honest."

"Oi! I was being sarcastic, 'Mione! No need to get all pissy."

"_Excuse me?"_

"Have I mentioned how beautiful you look today?"

* * *

"Your Highness, his Lordship Harry Potter has arrived."

"Oh, 'im again? I thought we 'ad settled ze treaty last veek?"

"We did, but it's something else this time."

The Queen sighed and pushed back her blonde bangs. "Oui, of 'ourse zhere's zomething else. Lead the way, 'Ermione."

* * *

"Your Majesty, if I might-"

"_For ze last time, 'Ermione, no you cannot perform at ze party."_

"But your Highness, I've gotten really good-"

"'Ermione, I love you dearly, 'ut no. No 'atter 'ow good you've gotten, my answer zis non."

* * *

"So… she still not letting you?"

"Yep."

"Happy about it?"

"No."

"Gonna do something about it?"

"Yep."

"Need accomplices?"

"Of course."

"Need the map?"

"Uh-huh."

"You know, 'Mione, you're really providing me with great answers here."

She shot him a look. "I'm _trying _to figure out how to plead to my Lady to allow me to perform at this coming Yule Ball."

Ron sighed, and ran a hand through his bright red hair. "I know. Just remember that I support you this whole time."

Hermione smiled. "Wonderful. I'm going to need blueprints of the Castle, a large mirror, a couple of banana peels, and maybe a little glue."

"Woah, woah, woah. What are the bananas for?"

"They have a large source of potassium, which by yodeling experts around the world say increase your sound consistency and have the ability to-"

"Hermione. Lecture mode."

Hermione audibly shut her mouth. Ron smiled. "Great. I'll get you the bananas then, and have the rest to you in a jiffy."

She sent him a relieved look as the plan started to unhatch.

* * *

"So… you've decide'd to not push ze matter anymore?"

"Yes, your Highness."

Fleur raised an eyebrow. "Zhis isn't like you, 'Ermione."

"…I've come to the conclusion that it is better to not force you, my Lady."

Fleur blinked. "O-Okay zhen. You znow, I vas joking earlier. I love your singing, zit's just zhat it's not appropriate for ze occasion."

"You mean a good old yodel isn't the right way to put everyone in the mood?"

The blonde chuckled. "Non."

* * *

"So apparently your Highness actually does like my yodeling."

Ron looked up from his planning. "That's good to hear, but does that-?"

"No, we're continuing the plan, as expected. When will Colin get back to us on how the glue and the mirrors are doing?"

"Sometime this week, I suspect. Plenty of time to plant them and prepare for the party."

"Perfect." Hermione smiled.

"…Are you nervous?"

"No. Well, yes. I'm worried about how my Lady will react once she finds out I've disobeyed her orders and have been sneaking behind her back…"

"I wouldn't worry too much, 'Mione. More likely she'll scold you but will be absolutely delighted. Have you been practicing?"

"Oh yes! I have improved greatly, I think perhaps I could start a career. You know, go around yodeling at other major events."

"You'll be the biggest hit." Ron grinned, looking at his best friend cheerfully. "I'm happy you've found something you like besides books."

"Shush, Ronald, or I'll tell Fred and George about that time you saw them-"

"_Woah, no need to bring that up_! Urg, I'm going to need mind bleach…"

Hermione smiled charmingly.

"I hate you, you know that?"

"Of course, Ron."

* * *

"Eagle One to Eagle Two, copy."

"Eagle Two. Alpha Otter in place."

"Over. Commence stage presence."

The ballroom suddenly became dark as a spotlight shone on the stage, and Fleur blinked from the audience, wondering briefly about what was going to happen. Maybe they were going to have a singer or speaker come on? But there was no need to completely dim the lights…

"_Ooooooooooh~! Yodel-ley-he-who~! Yodel-Yodel-ley-he-who! The hills are alive with the sound of- Yodel-ley-he-who~!"_

Fleur blanched.

_Oh hell no._

She knew that yodel.

"'Ermione." She whispered.

And there, on the stage, rising dramatically while yodeling her heart into the microphone, was Hermione Granger, looking absolutely stunning in a pink dress as the spotlight continued to focus on her.

_I really should have expected this. _Fleur thought.

(She secretly enjoyed the startled looks on all of the other rulers' faces, though. Does your court have a ((albeit horrible)) yodeler in its midst? She didn't think so.)

* * *

…_.OONIE_

_I PRESENT TO YOU_

_YODELING LOVE_

_*bows*_

_As customary, here is my yearly yodeling love. I hope you enjoy it, it was quick, it was probably horrible, but hell with it, I had so much fun with this. Go yodeling! _

_Dedicated to the always fabulous Uni Shall Not Sink._

_I don't own Harry Potter._


End file.
